Facebook and Friendship

John Lacey — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 06:03:15 +0000

There are as many uses of social networking services as there are users using them. While it can be tempting to assume that Facebook for example is just about playing Mob Wars and collecting ‘friends’ as if they were Pokemon (a notion popular with some media outlets), many people use such services to have heart felt interactions with people they care about. Sometimes these are interactions that due to a myriad of reasons – including geographical distance – just can’t happen by any other means.

People, in effect, opt in to a relationship with you. And the flip side of this is that they can also opt out of that relationship at any moment. Sometimes they just won’t have the time to devote to that interaction. Perhaps their (if you’ll forgive the expression) ‘real life’ will obscure their need or desire for online communications. Perhaps they are suddenly without the means to access the Internet. Some people will decide that they are suffering from data overload and quit using the Internet altogether. Some people will decide they have no need for the particular website or service and delete their account or profile. And as the user, the consumer if you will, this flexibility is desirable and empowering.

But as someone left behind it can be bewildering and heartbreaking. It may be some time before you even realise that a friend has left your social circle. You may not have any information about their motivations for leaving. If you haven’t communicated with them via other means you may not be able to communicate with them again. And if they’ve decided to abstain from online communications altogether it won’t matter how many emails you send, you may be left forever wondering what happened to them.

I respect each individual’s right to use or not use these resources as they see fit. I would just hope that if those relationships mean anything to you at all that you offer some consultation before an abrupt departure.

Are Online Friends “Real Friends”?

John Lacey — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:49:41 +0000

Are online friends “real friends”?

I was a little amused that Plaxo (an online calendar/address book/organiser service) sent me an email to let me know that somebody I knew had joined their service. I clicked on the link and was presented with the following options.

You can choose between Business Network, Family or Friend. Though the suggested text beside ‘Friend’ is more than a tad condescending, especially for what is essentially a service for connecting and sharing information online.

Your real life friends. (Not your “social networking friends”)

But wait, there’s still more…!

Further down on the same screen:

Pulse is for real relationships. Please do not spam people you don’t know with unwelcome connection requests.

How do you know if a request is ‘unwelcome’ before you send it? Isn’t that the point of the exercise, to give the other person the opportunity to accept or deny the request at their discretion?

I hear the expression ‘IRL friends’ all the time. I understand the desire to differentiate between those relationships in daily life and those that exist online. I understand that there are different dimensions and dynamics to both. What I struggle with though is the implication that friendships formed online are in some way inferior, trivial or ‘unreal.’ If anything, I tend to think these relationships can be much more meaningful to the extent that they’re based on shared passions, interests and beliefs, rather than just the stuff of circumstance – a shared city, workplace, demographic.

Psychology aside, I do worry about the longevity of a web based service that would begrudge such relationships. As it is my friend, the new user of that service, didn’t fit neatly into any of the categories provided and I sort of gave up and closed the window. I don’t really use Plaxo anyway…

John Lacey » Relationships

Facebook and Friendship

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Are Online Friends “Real Friends”?

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