Just checking in, really. This has been a frustrating week dogged by illness and inner-critics and technical problems. (My laptop has picked up a nasty piece of malware which should, in theory, be easy enough to remove except that the computer struggles to load Windows in safe mode for reasons that completely elude me.) I’ve thought often about this site and you – the kind handful of people who frequent it.
I’ve thought about penning posts about all manner of things. I wanted to celebrate that despite wretched feelings and frankly wretched results I still showed up to canvas and painting and drawing tools. I wanted to muse over synchronicity when after such bad drawing I walked into the library and there in front of me was a brand new DVD tutorial on creating realistic drawings. (Though with the laptop out of action it’s been hard to watch.)
I’ve been working on this canvas. I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know what it is now, or what it might be. I don’t know whether to leave it alone or to keep tinkering with it. I don’t know if I love it or if I hate it. Hell I don’t even know which way it should be orientated…
[Click to view larger version]
Some days it’s a tight rope walk, fraught with dangers on all sides. Am I going to not do any art and feel lousy? Am I going to do some art and be unhappy with the results and feel lousy (and imagine that it’ll never get any better)? Will I pour over eBay looking for new and exciting art supplies – because, somehow, new art supplies brings a promise of possibility. (Though it also tends to bring home the reality of current limitations when put into practice.)
I think to myself that I am a wordy person and probably have no business making visual representations, let alone visual art.
And yet some people have said some very nice things about my efforts, and I don’t think they’re just being polite. Clearly the average person isn’t as intent on salvaging my work as that little voice in my head is. There isn’t much to be done except to keep going. Some days might be better than others, but surely the only real failure is to give up completely…?
Anyway I hope you’re all working well on your own projects and creative impulses. I understand Mary has been doing some interesting things with video interviews via Skype and that Cindy has been enthralled with how astrology is helping her develop both character and her novel.