Just checking in, really. This has been a frustrating week dogged by illness and inner-critics and technical problems. (My laptop has picked up a nasty piece of malware which should, in theory, be easy enough to remove except that the computer struggles to load Windows in safe mode for reasons that completely elude me.) I’ve thought often about this site and you – the kind handful of people who frequent it.
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Right now I’m just feeling frustrated and incompetent. I found myself referring to myself as an ‘amateur visual artist’ and then realised I was an amateur at pretty much everything I do. I’m not sure my skills have value. I’m not sure how much I can really develop them. I suspect the desire to express myself creatively might be another in a long series of pipedreams.
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Today I am cleaning up. I am taking stock – in the most literal sense. I’ve concluded I have enough stationery supplies to last several lifetimes. I’ll have to reign myself in the next time I swing by OfficeWorks…
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My art practice involves too many secrets. Things I don’t want to share with anyone, things I don’t even want to admit to myself. Even bringing myself to admit that I wanted to paint in the first instance took over a year. It’s one of the greatest ironies of my existence that while anyone who knows my name can throw it into a search engine and see everything I create and share online I am incredibly guarded with people I know in (quote-unquote) ‘real life.’
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